Broadcasting Life

somethings missing

in the last couple of days, i've seen her. at the rec center. we ignore each other. we once passed each other on the stairs and we both barely, if even, looked at each other.

i was hoping that in my whole life that i wouldn't have to ever run into her again, but figures that i would run into her at the rec center. i don't think i could ever hate someone, but there is some hate that comes out of me when it comes to her.

she's my old co-coach from swimming. she once yelled at me and made me feel really degraded when i went to talk to her about getting some extra pool time for a swimmer. "No." she said rather loudly, "she only wants to try and get an a cut and she's not going to get it anyways." thanks for believing in your swimmers.

another time, at our end of the year banquet, i was just running over some things i think she should say to the group of swimmers and parents...just some things on my mind that i thought she should know, since she was talking. "you know, i do know what to say, i know what i am doing. i am older than you, you know." talk about punch to my stomach. and that's when i knew that that was what she had wrong with me....that's why she didn't like me. i was the younger coach...who just by chance actually knew what she was doing and happened to be stepping on her toes...but it's not like i was trying.

becky, the treasurer of the swim team, called me the other day to get my home zip code so she could mail me my w-2 forms for taxes. she invited me to lunch sometime. "i miss my college kids," she told me. i know she loved taking me under her wing. the parents loved me. i was much more personal than the other coaches they had experienced. after years of hearing my mom complain about our coach, i knew exactly what kind of coach the parents wanted.

i had way too much fun with the kids. we laughed at practice, we had fun days, we worked hard. one of my swimmers told me, "out of all my coaches, you were the one that worked me the hardest." it was the best compliment that i could receive as a coach. i had kids make state times, i had kids setting goals and working hard to make state times. they were all reaching up for times that they hadn't thought about before. they made me smile and love meeting them every day after school at the pool.

i had tucked all those feel good memories about coaching back somewhere in my brain over the summer, after woody decided that he didn't want me as a coach. i was never given the chance to even tell the kids why i wasn't going to be their coach anymore. i was just gone...never returned from europe. and then i saw meghan...and then becky called. and it all hit me. i miss coaching.

one day i will get back into coaching. it's something that i vow that i will do with my life. it's what i love. how could i have forgotten it? i wait for the day that i'm back on the pool deck, deck sandles on, stop watch in my hand, and a grueling set up on the white board that the kids are groaning over and wishing that they were sick that day. i can't wait.