Broadcasting Life

just keep swimming

so today i found out interesting news. my friend heidi had transfered to university of minnesota moorhead (i already knew this...it's what's next that i found out) and she has joined the swim team. (heidi and i both swam for east grand forks through central high school in grand forks) she ended up running into our other swimming friend from high school and she convinced heidi to join the swim team. i really am happy for both of them, i'm glad that they're still swimming. but part of me is jealous. i would love to still be swimming...to be on a team.

i had called my mom right after i found out to tell her the news, i knew that she would be happy too. her reply was that she didn't know that there was a swim team at moorhead, like it would have been an option.

years ago when i quit swimming it was because a couple of reasons that i don't consider mine. part of it, i have to admit, was because i didn't think that my parents would want to me to keep swimming. as they said, "all good things must come to an end." bemidji was chosen as my college of choice as my mom had heard they were known for producing good graphic designers. graphic design was chosen because i was good with computers and at art. it just became...known...that that was what i was going to do. so from the moment that i finished my last race, i was destined for bemidji and i was going to come out 4 years later as a graphic designer, swimming in the past. i don't like to cry, but i didn't stop crying for a long time that night.

so when i found out that moorhead could have been an option, that i didn't have to stop swimming, doing the one thing that i truely love, i started to think...what would it have been like to go to moorhead? what would be different? i know that i shouldn't dwell on the past, but you still have to wonder. i know i wouldn't like the fact that there are a lot of my past classmates that went there. but swimming was my life... i look at what i have now...my classes, my teachers, my jobs, habitat, friends and i know that i wouldn't give it up for moorhead, but...i love swimming. i just wonder, what it would be like to still be swimming. there's a saying that goes, "the only things to regret in life are the risks you didn't take." it would be a risk to go to moorhead just to swim, and i do regret that i'm not swimming right now, but i also know that it's still a risk to stay here, to finish up my time in bemidji, to get the job that i want, to live out the life that i want. so even though the love of my life is in moorhead (swimming, not heidi or erica...i'm sorry...you guys are too, but i'm talking about swimming here), i'm going to stay here, because you can't go back and choose a different path, but you have to make the best of what you have. and i don't regret the life that i have, i love it very much...and so, again...

on with life!