Broadcasting Life

a little late with this....

so its been year........ i have not yet forgetten..... still fresh in my memory like it was yesterday........ him joking around grabbing my shoulder with that big smile on his face saying "i know jamie... your always right" then laughing....... just seconds later glancing in front of us he sees the truckcoming head on in our lane.....and his laughter turned to panic..... screaming "oh my god what is he doing"............then i woke up........ i saw him laying there.....i screamed at him "monte wake up..... wake up.... monte please..... wake up" over and over again..... no response......... i put my head up to his chest for a heart beat....... i was in to much of a panic to even tell.......... i tried with all the strength i had left to pull him out of the car.....i tried so hard..... his legs were stuck under the dash......he wouldnt move......... i screamed at him again... please wake up....... still no response.....the car went up in flames....... there was nothing i could do..... so helpless......... i stood there a bloody mess in a daze......... the same words from my mouth over and over again "montes in the car".......... laying in a hospital bed days later wishing i was dead......praying for god to please take me with him......... thinking about his family......... thoughts running through my head "look what ive done........ look what ive done...... i took thier son away from them......... if they hate me i wouldnt blame them...why couldnt it have been me instead..... why god did you have to take monte....... he had so much more life to live....... he was supposed to have a family of his own one day...... why..... why monte...... he didnt do anything wrong....... he didnt deserve this......."

we'll always remember, monte.

aug. 19, 2004

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