Broadcasting Life

not where i thought i was

a couple of weeks ago, i was with my friend from europe: jen. we were sitting when someone came over and was asking us questions about europe, one of those questions being, "so have you adjusted to being back home?"

jen said no, her body was still stuck to europe everything. myself, however, said yes. for as much as i missed europe, i was enjoying life back in the u.s. but maybe i was wrong.

i miss constantly being on the go, always having something to do, that didn't require much planning. you just got up and said, yeah, let's do that, and left. now back home, i don't have that carefree life. my friends are constantly busy and when i want to do something, no one wants to join me. i find myself tracking them down, when i wish for once, that someone would track me down, ask me if i want to do something, join in. i don't tag along, i need to be invited. i miss how it used to be, but i need to stop living in the past, and live in the present. i changed in europe, and now that i'm back, i'm being forced back into my old life. i haven't changed much, but unlike before, i'm social. i can't sit in my room trying to find something to do, while thinking about what fun others are probably having without me. i don't think others realize that i've changed either, or that i just don't want to sit in my room by myself anymore.

i can't stand that life has changed. i can't stand a lot that is going on with my life. i need to find a happy medium...or basically, i just want to be happy, satisfied, but i'm not finding it. but maybe that's my own problem. i should just realize that this is how life is and just BE satisfied with it. a smile will always grace my face, i just wish that sometimes i didn't have to force it.