Broadcasting Life

at peace with myself....aaahhhh.....

so square has been getting on me to post. and now i am. it took me such a long time to post as i wasn't quite sure what to post. you may think that when you have a busy and hectic week you would have just crap loads to type and put up here but it took me awhile to find time, figure what i wanted to write about, and then get 'er done (YES!). so now that i have contemplated and put much thought into this...i think i'm ready to go.

the past week (mon. 22- fri. 26) was just hectic. i found myself drowning in my homework. i forgot an assignment, i forgot that another one was due in a couple of days, i had to study for a test that did not interest me at all and was written for law students...which i have to be the farthest away from. i tried to stay calm through it and finish it, or as nate would say "get 'er done." and i did, no problems. but as the high rising waters calmed down, i noticed that i did too. this past weekend was a lot of fun but i noticed that i just wasn't as talkative and perky as i am with my fellow habitat family...i was rather quite and i wondered if they noticed too. i opted to sit and listen to them talk, bicker and laugh than joining in. it was a surreal experience. this is what i used to be like in high school. the quiet one who would rather have her nose in a book or computer and would rather sit and listen than to blab and share her inter most feelings. it's not that i didn't want to share...it was just a peaceful time for me. but i also noticed something else about myself...

it happened when we got back from the trip. i noticed that my relationship with God has been getting stronger. through out my as-to-date short college life, my relationship with God has been depleting. in high school i was very active with my church. i loved my mission and habitat trips back then and my junior and senior year i came really connected with God and my church. i became a peer minister, a sunday school teacher, i wrote the youth newsletters and went to wednesday night alive. but then college came and my connection with my church started to wear thin. i didn't find a church here in Bemidji that i could connect with or had the time or a friend to go with. but somehow the habitat trip changed that. this year we tried to make it more Godly (great word, i know!). we started the trip with a prayer session, christian radio stations were played often and at one point square and i were even belting it out on the streets of downtown oklahoma city after a fake hockey game (pre rehearsed fights at a hockey game does not equal a real hockey game). then when we came back square asked me if i would like to go to church...approximately 2 hours after we got back and unloaded from the trip. i was a little hesitant at first just because i really wanted my sleep...but something told me to go...so square, gizmo, nate and i went to church, and i've gone now every week since, even wednesday nights. perkins usually happens afterwards as we will get something to eat and enjoy more bonding time and good, long, funny and cricitical talks (anything can happen!). i've also put my cross and confirmation necklaces back on and i'm constantly playing with them, untangeling them, reaching to make sure they are still there, just holding them. my bible is always with me in my car. people used to comment on it but it hasn't happened lately. i'm itching to open it back up and look at all the mementos i've put in there, to look at how i personalized it, to share them with someone. that's one of my favorite things to do, to share my mission trip experiences with everyone. everytime i look at nate or give him the evil eyes (or as i found out they can also be called "the hairy eyeball) i see his cross necklace too and it's a reminder to me...it's little things like that. last week when i was walking home, having criciticals about the doom day midterm i had coming up, i would pass a nickel on the street...i saw it at least 3 days last week. i got my favorite email again about the millionaire who picks up pennies as they remind him of God, as on every one they say "in God we trust." on the day before my test, as i was walking home with criciticals in my head, i saw the nickel again. i picked up, dusted it off, read "in God we trust." i smiled and stuck it in my pocket, stopped worrying and the nickel is still there...i'll probably keep that one for awhile.

i'm very elated to have God back in my life. he was missing as i disreguarded him...putting my life with him on hold. but now things are good, back to an almost normal. i'm glad that he reached back through me. it's a wonderful blessing. so thank you habitat family for everything you have done..especially bringing God back into my life :) !!!

::also, i think my test went somewhat well...B or C range?::
::i got the idea for this post from the blog "beautiful distraction." it was a great post. check it out on my side bar::