Broadcasting Life

the disastrous life of andi

i want to fall down, preferably hitting my bed, crawl under my covers and disappear into a long, long sleep. that's my wish right now. and i'm wishing....

i know it won't come true because i won't let it come true. i don't consider my life hard, so to say, because i'm tough. i always have and always will be...well maybe not always have. i cried pretty easily in elementary school. but NOW i consider myself tough. i can take anything and do anything. so why is it that i just want to kick school in the butt and crash? i have no idea.

call me lazy, but all i want to do every day is sleep, read good books, paint or make a masterpeice, relax, exercise and enjoy life. BUT then on the other hand, i have to do life: schoolwork, bills, organizing, work, and more schoolwork. i'm not saying any of these are a burden to me, but they are things i would rather not have to concentrate on right now.

it seemed to all boil down last night however. i went to the habitat meeting knowing i wasn't prepared and knew that i would be prepared after spring break...i just had to get through this meeting. i had all that i wanted to say and i had a 2 goals in mind: 1) i didn't want to start assigning things to be done for after spring break because i knew they would be forgoten before spring break. 2) to get this meeting done and over with so we could tye dye shirts. i felt i was doing pretty good until loj came downstairs and started shooting questions at me. i know loj was doing good but for some reason i just couldn't defend myself. not because i didn't know the answers but for some reason i struggled to get the words out of my mouth. my brain litterally froze in action and no thought was going on; all that was happening up there was a mad scramble to find those words that had made a mad dash for it when loj's mouth opened. i have no idea why this happened. my face started to get hot and i sputtered out words that didn't make sense. i hate to be admitting to stress but i think the mad dash for homework before the meeting and the knowledge that i would be at the newman for a good couple of hours was taking it's toll on me. thank god for square and jackie who came to my rescue (i think?) what they said didn't quite reach me the first time due to my disorientedness and the fact that by this point i had lost the groups attention. all i know is jackie eventually said "let's go tye dye" and all i could do was say "let's go". jackie then came and asked me if i needed a hug and i took it because i needed it, which is odd because i'm not the kind to give or receive hugs but will usually take them...not too many people ask me this unless their name is alli. at that point i pretty much felt the tears coming to my eyes but i pushed them away. i wanted to run to the bathroom to let them all out, but decided against it. i had some habitaters that were devouring the tye dyeing equipment and i had to call order!

i don't think yesterday would have been that stressful. i think i was just in one of those moods. i will never admit that i can't handle being president, because i know i am capable of it and it will not be a problem. now i just have to sit down with all the habitat stuff that has been passed on to me and get it organized and make it happen.

my night did cheer up towards the end - square spilt half a bottle of red tye dye on the floor causing us to have to use simple green to clean it up...o darn! hehehe

o and hear's some more startling news: i just found out my wonderful friend julie, who is my partner in crime at online services is quitting! she was a little delayed with the whole letting me know, but i completely forgive her :) you'll be missed at work julie!

anyways, less than 4 days till OKC...it'll be fun, but not quite a relaxing spring break. i'll enjoy the work though, and the laughter and craziness, but most of all, not having to think about anything schoolwork related and putting all of my mind and soul into habitat!