Broadcasting Life

just realizing....

ok, i just realized this and although it's not a really important realization, it just hit me smack dab on my head and i thought to myself....how, strange? i have just found it odd (which seems to be a favorite word of mine, i don't think anyone could ever over use it) that i don't have any really close friends that are my age. that is, outside my roommates (which i love and adore and all that jazz). all my friends are either a) a year younger than me or b) a couple years older than me. most people have friends who seem to be the same age as them, in the same place of the game of life, and here i am in the middle of all of it.

first off, i have my friends who are a year younger than me. i get so much joy from them, watching their carefree lifestyles. i think i enjoy having them as friends as i can relate to them all the stories of experience that i had last year. (it might also be that they like me and want me to be their friend...i don't know, i could be completly wrong about this and the whole world could just be conspirisizing against me...is conspirisizing spelt correctly? is it even a word?) i've kind of always been that type of person, one who likes to give advise. the hard part is knowing when to give it and when to bite your tongue as some situations are much better without your input (most stories that involve a boyfriend for instance). plus i hate it when people tell me what to do instead of giving me support...just a pet peeve of mine and now we are getting off subject. but anyways, i've always had younger friends. my first best friend ever, laura, was a year younger than me. we bonded as we both had the same personality. erica (squeak) is 9 months younger than me and we bonded as she found out i can make everyone laugh because i'm such a dork (i think...?). we're also cousins and usually see each other all the time at family gathers, so what's better than having your cousin as one of your best friends? i also have numerous friends in habitat that are a year younger than me: peaches, d dog, stan (short for stoic ann) and all the rest. they all make me so happy and can easily make me laugh.

then there are the number (numerous) of friends that i have that are older than me. some are a year older than me and the others are anywhere from 2-3 years. i get along so well with them, it's amazing. it's so funny when we'll be talking and i'll tell a story from my life and they'll realize how young i really am. "you were how old when that happened?? wow..." yeah, really puts things into perspective. i think it's great that when i'm with them i neither seem too young or they too old. we're just together to have a great time. when i'm with nate and square, i never realize how they are 22-23 and are graduating this year. i'm sure that most of the time they never realize that i'm still 19 (almost 20! well, not quite yet...) and am in my second year of school. facts are, i don't feel like a 19 year old. in fact, i don't know how old i feel most of the time. i rarely feel too young or too old. i used to joke around that i would never mature...i would always be crazy andi for a long time (i told squeak and rebecca that one year in high school FLA state in the cities, 3 in the morning while sitting in our hotel room...we were all mad at kaylie!). in fact, i don't want to grow up...yes i want to hit certain milestone's in my life such as a job, marriage, family and so on, but i never want to loose my spark and the ability to see things as a child. but i know it comes eventually and even though you're hanging on to your innoscence, eventually the wave will wash over you and you'll realize how much of an adult you've become. personally, i didn't realize how matured up i've become until i went swimming with some high school girls that i will be coaching. their topics of conversation were limited to school and other "gross" things and every other word out of their mouth was "like" this and "like" that (and if you ask square, i still do do that...but believe me, not to their extent!). it just seemed after high school that i never wanted to leave that part of me behind and i fought to hold on to it, but college life and all of the world that revolves around me swallowed me whole and my eyes and thoughts and everything that i experienced changed me...but not by much. i still have my crazy, wacked out, andi ways but in a way, i have changed so much and grown up quite a bit. in fact, compared to some other college students my age, i consider myself to be more grown up then i wanted. but i embrace where i am. i love the responsibilities that come with growing up and where they can take you.

so now that i have almost run completely in the other direction with this....i don't know. this was a start about my friends and how i realized that i only have 1 to 2 that are my age and the rest aren't...and then i start blabbering about how old and how young i feel...where did this post go wrong? hmmm...

i do have some friends my age. i don't consider then my close friends. it takes a lot to get to know me...before i come full fledged out of my shell. i have a lot of acquaintences but only few close friends. of course there are my 5 roomies (now going down to 4...lindsey's leaving :( ) but as close as i am to them, they are my roomies, which qualifies them to be my friends, but only a couple of them know the real me. i told danielle one night how much she really doesn't know about me...in fact, it almost scared me how much she didn't know about me. i've known her for so long and there's just something missing that is preventing me from telling her about how i tick. only certain people have that ability to open me op and let me spill my life story and lessons and just everything about me. i think it's a gift....i don't know...but i don't open up easily at all. tessa noticed that one. i'm uncomfortable around strangers (especially if they're drunk) and it takes some true bonding to get me to open up. i have many acquaintances but only a handful of friends. right now my closest friends are from habifam...i can't get enough of them...they make me laugh, cry, and we can all really open up to each other. it's just a bunch of us all helping each other deal with real life while doing God's work and helping people out...and somehow i'm leading the way with help from all of them. i love them...they're my family away from my family.

so that's my extremely long post. i could go on for longer but i figure this is enough for now. it's about 5 different topics and it all started out as one. not quite sure how it happened, but hey, i'm sure that there are people out there who like reading long posts! but i'm going to close this one out. here's a good quote: friends are your family that you have chosen for yourself. God Bless! andi

Dru...in angels' arms you'll stay