swim meet weekend

this weekend should have been a fun, big meet, weekend. but with my co-coach and i only having 2 kids signed up for one day of swimming, out of the 15 or so we have on our roster, it was actually more of a boring meet. although it was fun to watch all of the other kids swim, including our kids that we just moved up to the next group as they got too fast for ours, it was also just a lot of sitting around on a hard metal bench. good thing there is free food for the coaches.

coaches pic
waiting for the meet to start...

tara and i pointing out U of M swimmers on the record boards that we will see swim at trials in 2 weeks!
2 of my favorite swimmers that use to be in my group

Twins Territory

my lovely friend ann has been so generous to share her free twins tickets from work with me. when we went last week to the game, i gave her an extra twins shirt that i had laying around, as she was without. we also enjoyed the company of some much beloved bsu design tech alums...it was great to see my boys and lisa!

bomono

for work, we just updated our firefox browsers to 3.0 and i happened to also download some fun plug-ins for mine...one that was called snag it, which basically pulls up websites that might be of interest to you. so for all of you that like to color...head on over here: bomomo.com

something to look forward to

i found this site a while back, when i was in college. it's a competition put on bombay saphire to design a new martini glass. how more perfect can that be? however, in order to win it, you must be 25 and working in the design industry for 3 years. which puts me at 2.5 years out. i guess...it's just something to look forward to. i can start generating ideas anyways...

Designer Glass Competition

perfect sundays

my sunburn from a few years back. won't do that again...

i could have finished cleaning my basement yesterday. or worked on web pages. or a million other things. but with a nice day when every other day has been rainy and cold, i was outside right after church. after lathering up in sun lotion which i later found out didn't do much for the upper body, i headed out to the town home community pool. there i was greeted by the obnoxious boys whose parents are making the pool the babysitter for the summer, which i really have no tolerance for parents who can't see the dangers of not watching their kids at the pool. the way they were horse playing, i'm just waiting for one of them to get hurt and i hope i'm not there when it happens. while laying out in the sun, half napping, i also called my dad and grandpa to wish them happy fathers day. squeakers also called and we chatted as she walked to the mall. i was outside for 2 hours.

making me way back to the house, i changed and decided to go for a run. or run/walk. i'm not quite at running the whole way. i then came back and did some ab work before taking a shower and making super. then i watched the tonys and went to bed.

this morning, not only am i a little sore from the slightly burnt skin, but i am also sore from my athletic adventures. and i have a form of eczema on my fingers which makes it hard to hold writing utensils...so that's fun. but really, it was a perfect lazy sunday in my opinion and all the pain today was worth it.

friday 5

Who gave you your last balloon, and what was the occasion?
Balloon? The last balloon I probably got was when I went to state for high school swimming.

Who gave you your last scolding, and what was it for?
my horrible boss from my last job. thanks for understanding jerk...

Who gave you your last attaboy, and why?
yeah...my last boss. after i redid his website. he's still a jerk.

Who gave you your last haircut?
one of the ladies at avant in gf!

Who gave you your last massage?
i'm always rubbing my neck...other than that, it was probably my boy.

the expense of travel

After a short lunch outting today to turn in all of my comcast equipment, my jaw hit the floor when i noticed the price of gas hit $4.10 a gallon. since this has happened, i have now cancelled my trip home for father's day as i cannot afford it and i also looked into trying to find an alternative way to work for a couple of days a week. if i took the bus, which is $2 a ride, i'm sure i could buy a monthly pass, i would have to be on the bus at 6:51 and switch buses 4 times to go 3 miles, according to the metro transit web page...and it would get me to work at 8:30. it doesn't make sense to me. then i looked into bike paths...there is no path from my house to work that doesn't involve me getting run over by a car as i pass under I494. so...all my money saving dreams have been crushed. and i will inevitably have to pay $4.10 and rising in gas. when will this madness end??? i'm fearing the end of the week when i have to pay...the last time i filled up it was at $3.82.

a new start

so...in an attempt to cure boredom at work (we're a little slow...) i'm electing to start up my blog again. it will probably include a redesign, especially since i have 2 hours and 40 minutes left at work today.

this week i started a new job. so far i'm enjoying it, although this week has been a little slow. i suppose when you add 2 new employees to your department, the work load goes down. i've enjoyed filling out all my paperwork for my benefits and ordering all my new office supplies. office supplies are one of those things that i have a love affair with: cool new pens, fresh pencils, a daily planner, binder clips, push pins, tape and staplers (swingline of course, but not red), and of course post-it notes. i'm slowly decorating my office, too. i need a paycheck though before i can buy stuff for it. on my list: plant with a beta fish, bamboo or vine plant (if i was by a window i would have bought a sunflower or something...), a vase of fake sunflowers?, a cell phone holder...and i was thinking of maybe something like a rug to cover up some floor stains? i also need to bring in more photos...not sure if i want to bring in my europe ones, however, or if those should stay at home. i do have a picture of the sibs here though... other than that, i'm kind of liking cubicle life.

i'm also now a basement dweller...i've moved into a townhome of someone who is letting me take over their basement. plenty of space and a kick ass shower. the only downside is some of the bugs i'm finding. i've sprayed once, but it wasn't a powerful spray, so i'm guessing i'll have to buy the strong stuff.

well, summer's underway...swimming, the lake, and a vacation here and there. couldn't ask for more!

the first signs of spring!

well...it's a friday evening, i'm at home, with a pineapple pizza. i haven't had one in forever! the best part of all this...i have my balcony door open and i can hear birds. i'm guessing the sheep are all ready in bed? they wake up early enough...

the pursuit of happiness

i know i haven't posted in awhile. i guess life has been somewhat depressing and i'm realizing i'm not as happy as i used to be. i'm hoping to change that.

last week's friday five

1. What’s your favorite small office supply (like something that can fit in your top desk drawer)?
it's a complete toss up between shiny binder clips, cool pens, and bright colored post it notes.

2. What’s your favorite medium office supply (like something that can fit on your desktop)?
i have a tiffany's stand up calandar...i love it! that and my bright kleenex box :)

3. What’s your favorite large office supply (like a furnishing or a large tool)?
gotta love my previous work computer (30 inch monitor mac! i miss it!)

4. To which specific office supply do you have a particular personal attachment?
that computer held my life at one point...though i do get a little worked up if my fav pen is missing

5. Which office supply do you consider yourself something of an expert on?
im no expert, but i do know computers pretty well.

i miss btown!

2 and a half weeks...i can't wait!! it will be a homecoming!

in the right direction...but still up in the air

life is slowly coming together. i am no longer coloring dora in blaine but have moved in with my aunt, uncle and cousin. everything seems to be going well and i am very close to the pool that i am coaching at, which was not planned at all and is actually a nice perk. the drive to work is also pretty smooth...494, besides the bright, blinding sunlight in the eyes every morning is pretty easy going besides the hold up in bloomington.

so far i've coached 3 days and have enjoyed all of them. the coaches are amazing and, well...nice. which is a contrast from my last coaching experience. i'm trying to learn all of the kids names as fast as i can so i can easily get their attention to correct them. right now i'm in a funk where i will mention what i see to my co-coach and we chat about whether we need to mention it to the swimmer. it's been a little hard to get back into my coaching personality. each day is getting better.

other than that, i'm itching to get my own place. i haven't had a bedroom that is actually MINE since may. i'm not complaining as i am fortunate to everyone who has helped me out...but i really really miss my bed and all of it's down feathers. i have to wait another month before i can actually start figuring that out though...i need to figure out where i will be working. no word has really been said about whether i will stay at where i'm interning, all i know is that i will need a job! the downtown life was appealing to me, but now a place close to the pool is starting to look good. everything can change in a month though :)

friday five

cost

1. What’s something you suspect you regularly overpay for?
umm...gas???

2. What’s something you suspect you regularly underpay for?
i've got nothing...everything is expensive! i sometimes think that the clearance items are still too expensive!

3. What’s taking up more of your time than it should?
Probably driving...but I enjoy it. That and i think i'm on the computer too much!

4. What’s causing you stress only because you let it?
The job hunt.

5. If all your karma were based on your positive and negative attitudes, would it be in good shape, in bad shape, or perfectly in balance?
I'm a pretty positive person, so I would say good shape but we all know that there is a little negativity everywhere, so I would guess in balance with a slight lean to the positive side:)


there's another friday five, but i don't like it as much. i guess i'll answer it when i find the questions amusing.

last weeks friday five

I used to do these all the time until the site shut down. Now two new ones have open up...giving me something to blog about again! so here is last weeks friday five...and tomorrow i'll do this weeks.


1. What were the circumstances surrounding your last all-nighter?
My last all nighter was for school purposes...I was working on a project while portfolio semester, so my time was very limited. I spent many nights in my office until the wee hours of the morning until my advisor told me that i HAD to get at least 5 hours of sleep a night.

2. What’s your favorite stay-awake-and-alert food or drink?
I don't have a favorite...it's usually water or diet pop with some sort of snack...popcorn, crackers, candy...

3. What are you most likely to be doing when you’re up in the late, late hours of the night?
homework! but not anymore. now if i'm up, there usually isn't a good reason for me to be up. but i find i do some of my best art/designing at night.

4. In what way does your personality change when you are sleep-deprived?
not by much...in some cases, i go into overdrive and get a little crazy.

5. If you get home extremely tired and extremely hungry, which need are you most likely to satisfy first?
haha...food! it's always food. at night anyway...i'll stay up to make sure i get everything done at night before i sleep...but if i'm tired during the day, and i have time, i will make sure i take a nap.

Being Silly

This is my little cousin Savanna and I, playing with her Dad's web cam. She really amazes me. Every day she asks when I will be coming home and waits for me...then she follows me around once I'm home, waiting patiently for me to have time to play with her! I love it.

Here goes week 3 of work. Hopefully I won't mess anything up this time. I also start waitressing Thursday and I'm trying to get into Biolife so that I can make some gas/food money. I can't wait for my first paycheck!

swim coach

i got the swim coaching job! that makes me pretty excited. however, i'm not excited to kiss away my friday nights until 7 pm. that means if there is any weekend traveling, i won't arrive anywhere until late.

but i'm so freakin excited! foxjets are the biggest and fasted team in minnesota...and minnesota is a fast state. the team has sent 2 swimmers onto olympic trials.

woohoo! no i just have to figure out where i will be living in september. i'm thinking eden prairie with the relatives for the month...then my new roommate should have bought her house in st. paul.




and yes, julie mae, i will call you...just have to get my definite schedule figured out...should start next week.

and yes...i miss bad medicine and you, deedee. if i don't have to work on saturday or sunday, i'll think about driving up...but i'm thinking it might be best to stay here.

week 2 - the city life

so far so good. i have my own office. i work 3 days a week. and...i have an interview for a swim coach position with the fastest team in minnesota. i have my own room, a sleep number bed, a bathroom with heated floor tiles all to myself, my computer is here, i have a tv in my room, and every night my little cousin waits for me to come home so we can color dora the explorer.

yup, can't complain too much.

(but making money would make everything a lot easier...)

internship!

i finally landed something in my field. in about 2 weeks, i will be starting my internship, which should hopefully lead into a job. i'm excited...even if they find themselves unable to hire me in the end, it's experience, it's contacts, and it's a shot in the right direction.

still unemployed

and i'm getting slightly sick of hanging out at home. it's not bad, kind of relaxing, but my friends aren't here, or if they are, they are busy, and i really want to be on lake bemidji.

speaking of friends...

my friend steph posted this on her blog. it's a scale to rate your friends in your life:

1: A friend also known as an aquaintance. Maybe you don't talk to them. Maybe you do. But when you do, it's only because one of the two of you need something from one another. You don't usually hang out.
2: A friend who you call occassionally. Maybe you'll hang out now and again. You know a lot about them. They'd help you out in a pinch.
3: A friend who you hang out with often. Knows you well. Calls/talks to you often. This is the person who'd bail you out of jail, and not ask to be paid back.

I have very few number 3's. I do find it disappointing when you want so desperatly for a person to be one of your number 3's and yet, no matter what you do, no matter how many times you call them, they don't consider you a number 3. so they can't be your number 3. i tell you, living in another town, moving on from the town that you called home for the past 5 years, where many of your friends still reside, you find out who your real number 3's are. and they are all amazing.

still nothing new on the job front. i'm not moving to reno, i guess if you call that new. the board of directors wanted a senior marketing director, that which i am not. so now i'm looking at the cities again. when ever i see a job in another state, it looks tempting, but then i chicken out. so...i guess it's the cities.

my birthday is in a week. i think i might need to go back to bemidji for that weekend. celebrate a little, as i'm not sure if i will be doing a whole heck of a lot of that here.

unemployment

well...i'm officially one hour into my life unemployed. i'm watching tv, i just ate some breakfast, and i think i'm going back to sleep. right after i dispose of my roommates birds.

but i don't want to be unemployed for long. the money situation does worry me. and i do have a lead on a job. i should here back on more of that today. i really want this job. it will involve a move to reno, but i'm pretty psyched for it.

plans for today:
-pack
-lunch with a friend
-if it's nice out...i'm laying outside for a bit
-go to old workplace to pick up rest of my stuff
-oil change
-walk
-call landlords to check out how to get my deposit back

life is grand.

microwave dinners

here's one to bookmark

graduation time

in a couple of hours i will go to my last final (ok, not a final, but my group has to do a little bs presentation) and then i will be done with classes, which is pretty exciting.

the not so exciting part is trying to figure out where i am going. right now it's looking like home, until i get this job situation figured out with my uncle. he wants to hire me as his marketing director, which is not only flattering but pretty exciting. the bad news is that i will be moving somewhere completely new, where i won't know anyone. my plans were to move down to the city, live in a fabulous house with a friend and i would keep myself busy meeting up with all my friends who live down there and going to twins games. but now it's looking like reno...

which i said is exciting. i would be making good money from the sounds of it, so i do have a list of things that i would do if i moved to reno:

-new car (i don't think the breeze will make it unfortunatly...)
-the apartment would need 2 bedrooms, one for the visitors. and a pool. i'm not living in the desert without a pool.
-a puppy to keep me company
-45 minutes from lake tahoe? ok!
-pay off bills... :(

but as i said...no friends. no one i know except my great aunt and uncle. good thing for family. but this whole job is so scary/exciting/overwhelming/________. i'm not sure what to think....all i know is that if i'm offered it, i will take it because years from now, i don't want to be kicking myself for not taking a leap and experiencing life.

i just wish i knew where i was moving. soon.


(((my portfolio went great by the way -- i made my dad cry, but that's not a hard thing to do. the picture is of me and my banner i made for the gallery displaying...well, me.)))

wow i've got a ways to go....

an update

portfolio presentation and graduation is upon me...it's less than a month! somehow, i've managed not to freak out.

i got my portfolio site up last night. check it out: amkrolldesign.com

i slept through my loan counceling session this morning. i'll have to try and make another date.

here's my schedule:

april 29th...fargo for squeaks graduation
may 5...taking the night off...it's cinco de mayo!
may 9...rehersal, 3:30, bbq following
may 11...biggest day of my life: portfolio presentation! i present at 3:30. presentations start at 1. refreshments at 3. bridgeman hall.
may 11...after party for design tech, tjuans. hi chance i may not be functioning that night......but i deserve to celebrate!
may 17th, honor reception, 1 pm
may 18th....10-12 union for graduation brunch
1 pm, line up for the parade!
2 pm graduation!
5:50 dinner at btcc
party and celebrate!
may 21...start my adult life :(

just so you know...

i don't like staying up until 5 am finishing homework and all the other crap that i have to do. here's what's on my plate:

-i have to get the last 3 essays back from louise, correct the edits in the electronic file, check every paragraph on every page of a 300 page book to make sure that they "flow" and then finish talking to the book printing company in minneapolis and ftp the file to them by the end of the week.

-i have to finish my 3dh planets file...hopefully today...and send that file down to atlanta for rendering, or at least by the end of the week.

-i then have to get that same file up on my portfolio webpage so that i can get my webpage up and working hopefully by the end of this weekend. flash (the program) is not easy.

-i have to finish my portfolio projects by the end of this week and get them up on my webpage...well soon, so that i can send my resume to a couple of select companies by april 20. next friday, yes. i have mucho work to do.

-my script is due for my portfolio presentation by monday. i have it half written.

-i have an identity standards manual (a 20 page book telling someone the correct usage of a logo) that is due monday, but i have to laminate it so it needs to be done by friday.

-i have a 2 magazine articles that i have to put together by friday, that are due monday but my group and i have to organize our magazine by then.

-friday i have to go out and get door prizes for the beaver film fest. gotta keep the masses happy!

-wednesday night, screen printing beaver film festival tshirts.

-thursday night, screen printing design guild tshirts.

-friday, 3dh presentations for bridgemans open house

-monday, class all day, followed by a film fest meeting with all my volunteers.

-i have to do last minute shopping for film fest decor at some point over the weekend.

-i'm hosting a bday party at my place on saturday. preparations need to be made for that.

-there is a million last minute details that i have to figure out and print out for the beaver film festival.

-either monday or tuesday night i have to help screen the films and come up with a script for our host.

-i have to finish sewing my dress by next wednesday. and that means buying more material.

-the job situation...i might have a job that fell into my lap. but now i need to meet with people to figure out its the right one.

-my thesis is due april 30th.

that might be it for now. trust me, i am busy. but if you want to believe you are busier than me...well then, by all means, go for it.

worries and wishes

WORRY:
-that my portfolio presentation will suck
-that i won't get a job

WISHES:
-that i didn't have to spend my waking hours (and it's getting close to my sleeping hours...seriously. if one more thing goes wrong...)
-that i could stand my ground better
-that my thesis would write itself
-that june was here. (but that i didn't miss a second of the next two months)

i just won my dream portfolio on ebay. it's red, there's 2 of them, 2 different sizes. for all this homework crap i have to deal with right now...this totally makes my day. i'm so excited!

i. hate. life.

happy 2 years of eurospring!

i miss it each and every day :)

happy valentine's day!

just thought i would get that out there. here's what is new in my life:

i officially have a roommate: MS. LINDSI JO GISH! you have no idea how excited the two of us are. we're in the process of house (townhouse, condo) hunting. we're trying to find the perfect place in a perfect city. it's going to be the most fabulous house ever because we both kind of want to find some sort of special house that needs a little bit of a fixer upper...i love diy and so does she...so FRICKEN EXCITED!

other than that...just working on my portfolio and getting everything done for graduation. a long ways away, i know, but i have lots to do...maybe even score a job in the process? we'll see.

but other than that...happy valentine's day. and if you're the down in the dumps type...just remember that someone out there loves you. maybe not me... but someone ;)

happy birthday squeakers!

i am sorry i can't get you the sammy the singing birthday cake featured at left.

but you get me in 5 days!

hope you have a fabulous day of turning old!

love squishy.

more reasons to hate monday

i finally made it out of bed this morning. it took awhile. i was going to go swimming and texted the 2 guys i go swimming with to see if they were going. either they did and didn't want me to come with, or they didn't get up to go swimming either. either way i wish they would at least text back.

one of my roommates ate my pineapple pizza that i had saved for myself in the fridge especially for breakfast this morning. i was completely looking forward to it...that and it was probably the only thing i really had ready for breakfast. except i didn't get it. because someone ate it. who eats other people's food? i don't eat theirs. makes me mad.

i get on campus (and i think my eyelashes were starting to freeze together...damn its cold!) and attempt to drop off my painting stuff so i don't have to lug it around. the painting room door is still locked. i guess i have to drag this monstrosity around with me.

class was cancelled. yes, i am happy, but at the same time...i could have just slept in. and i almost did except i told myself i wasn't going to miss a class this semester.

i went and bought a cappucino. i tastes horrible. ick. almost 3 dollars of grossness.

and now i'm sitting at work. at least i get an extra 2 hours on my paycheck.

my last first day of school

tessa dragged me out of bed at 6:30 this morning to work out. it was pretty liberating. all in all i did about 4 miles!

came home, showered, listened to some vh1 music videos as i dried my hair and did my make-up. i went for the sweatshirt and jeans look for now...i'll change later tonight.

then i made myself a slice of wheat french toast and made my lunch (veggie burger and leftover broccoli cashew salad with a diet cherry coke). packed that up, turned everything off and then ran to the postoffice to mail a book that was supposed to be mailed last week (oops!).

at work, i finally finished my preliminary portfolio webpage. it's pretty cool cause it's in flash!! check it out here...then leave me some comments on what would be cool to do with it:

http://www.bemidjistate.edu/atc/staffsites/akroll/

my one class today? jewelry and metal making. boring. went over the syllabus and safety proceedures. all of what should have taken 45 minutes. but no...we have an adhd teacher who rambled on for half an hour on who should get into the class (we had extras wanting to get in...the class usually only takes 14 students...we had a 4 extras today). gross.

but now...done with work. i'm going to go see if my loan check came. then i'm going to deposit it and then possibly go swimming. then...date night with jennie! i think a marg would be the perfect way to celebrate my last first day of school! one semester left!

i have decided that i need to get out of this stupid funk that i'm in and realize that people have much bigger problems than me and that they need my help right now.

but i swear. i hate boys. they don't realize just what emotional turmoil they are putting on me. especially when i don't know you and you call me things such as "conceeded," "bipolar," and "the most unsocial person i know" when i tell you i'm tired. asshole.

that and they just don't listen to what exactly i'm trying to tell them before they act. stupid boys.

but i think things are starting to look up.


and then my radio died again in my car.

i'm a model

check it out!

damn you keith urban

your songs make me cry. and unfortunatly, you're the only one i want to listen to right now.

life hates me

i think i had one of the worst days ever. it involved learning that my favorite manager was quiting, problems with certain people that i won't elaborate on, my cd/radio decided to quit with my new keith urban cd in it, and i dismissed a boy from my life (he decided to date someone else and not tell me...and then tried to break it off with me by blaming me. as if. he has way more to be blamed about). tessa and i will be dropping his things off at his place tonight whether he wants them or not.

i hate crying.

BUT today is a new day. my cd/radio started working again, although it was reset, i slept in a little bit, and its nice to know that i will not be lied to from someone i love for a very long time.

and i'm sure the tears will eventually subside.

although i do want to get the hell out of bemidji right now.

and, please, i don't want to hear any good for yous or anything. he's still my friend. and it just makes me cry again.

...here it is...

...here it is ...

well, here's the new template. i actually just modified the old one and it took me all day! good thing i can count it as learning css ;)

let me know what you think...or if you have any suggestions. i might try and add some color later...we'll see.

i'm making a new template for the blog. it's a new year. out with the old, in with the new!

katie and i want to live here:

stonearchapartments.com

for a kiss to be really good...you want it to mean something. you want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head. so that when your lips finally touch, you feel it everywhere. a kiss so hot and so deep that you never want to come up for air. you can't cheat your first kiss, nicole. and trust me, you don't want to...because when you find the right person, that first kiss? it's everything.

-dr. alex karev
grey's anatomy

christmas was good. and now i'm back in btown. with more stress. augh.

got this off of anothers blog. kind of like it. others may not, but i kind of do.

You know boys are a funny thing. I mean you look around Bemidji and there is not much to choose from. Let's face it; Bemidji is not the ideal place to meet guys. Oh yes there is some great eye candy up there, what with all those Canadians so close to the border and with all those business majors and their hot ties (I like men's ties what can I say??). But truly, there is not a whole lot to pick from. But then fate steps in and BAM! Like a freight train headed due north, it hits you. You are looking for something that doesn't exist, not truly. My mother and I were dress shopping today and I was having the worst time picking a dress that I truly loved. Now granted i am a VERY picky person when it comes to my dress, but there was not much to choose from in that department either. Well, as i was complaining to my mother about the lame selection aloud in the third store we walked into, she turned to me and said "_____, you aren't going to find that perfect dress because the image that you have in your mind, the dress of your dreams is only in your mind and no dressmaker can bring that to life for you". As I continued looking I realized that i had been taking the same approach I did for dresses, to men. I have always imagined an ideal man. Someone perfect, someone wonderful, funny, intelligent, etc. I had even created a list of the qualities i was looking for in the man I would date, or at least end up with. But then i realized, that man doesn't exist nor will he ever. I am looking for a dream, a figment of my imagination. Someone so perfect and wonderful no human can compare. And so all this time as I was struggling to not only find that perfect person, but that perfect person interested in ME, I had missed many chances at perfectly wonderful human relationships. I have feared i would end up alone and single all the rest of my days but I realized if that happened it would be my own fault because i never allowed the perfectly wonderful guy to approach me while I was waiting for a saint. And so I apologize to all the men in my life that i have let down and hurt. I have been trying to reform myself and hopefully when i return in the spring I will have loosened up a bit and will be much more... approachable.

i just thought it was interesting, despite the rambles, because i think it's completely true. men are not perfect, just as women are not either. i embrace a man's imperfectness...i think its great character. and if they mess up? i forgive them, just as i would forgive anyone else, because i know it could happen to me too.

300 dollar check..............

please get here sooooooonn..............................

i am broke.....................

and i still need to buy my squeaky an xmas gift.....................




that's it.

this may be one of the most challenging things i've ever had to do.

how do you comfort someone who has lost a family member to suicide?

i know they need to grieve, but my heart hurts for them, having to watch them go through this pain.

i just want to take it away from them and make it all better. but i can't.

what happened to haloscan? i can't see if someone leaves me a comment...i went to their website and it seems as if the whole site is down. hopefully not for good?

for now...until haloscan comes back up or until i can get a new message thingy...shot me comments here: giggles1444@hotmail.com.

THE best website ever. i have a new obsession (along with the thrift store from below). go here:



www.etsy.com



it's a website where people can buy and sell hand made items. check out the necklace i just bought for $3. that's including shipping and handling. amazing.



so yeah, check it out...i have a feeling a lot of money (or maybe not so much??) will be spent there. or i can at least get ideas for myself to make artsy craftsy things.

all my papers are done...well, besides my thesis. i'm going to work hard on that this xmas break.

3 tests left. 1 will be hard. i think i will be eating tuna fish sandwiches for the rest of the week. but everything is well spaced out that i think i will be golden. i'm just excited to finish this semester off!

my new secret obsession? value thrift ...or whatever the thrift store is called that's located right outside of btown on south 71. it's amazing. i've bought some pretty amazing things there. i'm pumped to buy even more.

although, i do have to watch what i spend. i'm buying a macbook with a dual processor (i like both platforms so well...i can't believe there is a computer with both!) in february. i love loan money. but i'm sure it doesn't like me back. there will be payback one day, but for my new computer? i can take it.

this last weekend was amazing, yet challenging. i won't go into it, but i think it definetly brought me and a friend much closer together.

something to read? here's my last paper. if you're going to criticique it...be nice. a lot of hard work went into it!

Period Project Essay
St. Peter’s Basilica in the Vatican: What is its Function?


St. Peter’s Basilica, located in the Vatican City, Rome, is a place of pilgrimage for all those who practice not just Catholicism, but Christianity. Every day, 17,000-23,000 people line up outside the walls of Vatican City to venture inside. They each have different reasons for being there, ranging from jobs to daily mass to tourism, with many making their way to place their hand upon the foot of the giant statue of St. Peter, some even kissing his foot, thanking him for their safe journey to visit his final resting place.

With so many people visiting the basilica each day, it is curious to wonder what the common tourist sees as the function of the basilica. I had a chance to visit the basilica in April of 2005 with a group of students. St. Peter’s Basilica and its square were the last part of our tour through the Vatican; we were starting with the Vatican museum and then we made our way through the Sistine Chapel before entering the basilica. The Vatican is the home of many priceless pieces of artwork, most commissioned by Roman Pontiffs over the last 500 years. St. Peter’s Basilica is one of the largest works of art in Vatican City, as Michelangelo’s dome is visible in the skyline. Before I had the chance to visit St. Peter’s, I did not know the history of the basilica, and upon entering the basilica, I found that it hosted many important and impressive pieces of art, most of them donated to the church. I had no idea of what St. Peter’s Basilica actually stood for and it’s curious to wonder how many others visit the basilica as a museum and not a church. It seems to me that St. Peter’s may have somewhat of the same problem that Susan Slyomovics argued in her essay, “Cross-Cultural Dress and tourist Performance in Egypt,” where she states that tourists visiting Egypt seemed to be lured in by ancient Egypt but are “seldom aware of Egypt’s other attractions” (Slymovics). It seems as in some cases, the lure of the artwork, altars, monuments and grottos are so strong that visitors are seldom aware of St. Peter’s actual meaning. Although daily mass attracts thousands of people, 50 percent of people who enter St. Peter’s are tourists; but are they there to honor St. Peter or are they there to view its priceless artwork?

It is important to know why St. Peter’s Basilica was erected in order to better understand the buildings function. St. Peter’s Basilica was built to honor St. Peter; one of Jesus’ first named disciples. Peter was born Simon Bar-Jona and his brother, St. Andrew, another apostle of Christ, led him to Jesus. Peter was not always one to follow the rules and was usually described as unlearned and ignorant. He refused to let Jesus wash his feet and usually did not think before acting, in one case he sliced off the ear of the high priest servant at the moment of Christ’s arrest. However, he was very devoted to Jesus and had a great sense of humanity. Peter was the one who led the disciples back to Jesus when they became frustrated with Jesus’ teachings, claiming to whom else shall we go? Jesus eventually renames Peter, his name meaning rock. Jesus told Peter that he is the rock and is to be the foundation of the church. He is mentioned in the Bible to be the first disciple and after Christ’s crucifixion and rising, Christ appears resurrected to Peter first. Peter and Paul, another saint spreading the word of Christianity and Christ, came to Rome to spread the faith of Christ as Rome was the capital of the empire. Peter was the first bishop of Rome and later the first pope. Christians decided that they should name a new pope after St. Peter died to continue to lead the Christians on Earth. Peter was eventually crucified by Nero, emperor of Rome at the time, as Nero had a great dislike of Christians. Nero crucified him in his circus and he was buried nearby, outside the arena, on the side of Vatican Hill. He was crucified head downward on a cross because he claimed he was not worthy to die in the same manor as Christ. He appears with keys in his hands in many statues as he holds the keys to the church and when he arrives in heaven, he will hold the keys to the gates of heaven.

After Peter’s death, Christians began to pilgrimage to Rome to visit St. Peter’s grave. Small churches and hospices arose in the area due to all the people. Pope Leo IV surrounded the area with walls and towers which are still preserved today. Due to the large amount of people making their way to Rome to visit St. Peter’s grave, Constantine, the emperor of the time, decided to build a basilica in honor of the Apostle Peter, choosing to build it right on top of Vatican Hill, where St. Peter is supposedly buried. The basilica was also built on top of a Roman cemetery, using tombs laid to the west of the building as part of the basilica’s foundation. Constantine was determined to build the central most sacred part of basilica right above St. Peter’s resting place, however, no one for many years was even sure if that exact place was were St. Peter rested. In 1968, Pope Paul VI did announce that there was evidence that clearly states that St. Peter does rest directly under the altar of the old basilica and now the new basilica.

The church is built in reverse of how churches before the Constantinian Era were built. Before Constantine, the sanctuary of the church was at the East end. At St. Peter’s the sanctuary is at the West and the entrance at the East. This was so when whomever was giving the sermon at the high alter, the rays of the rising sun fell on that person. It is also said that during vernal equinox, at dawn, the doors of the church would be thrown open to let the first rays of dawn hit St. Peter’s shrine. This had to do with Constantine being a sun worshipper and the Romans identifying Christ with the god of the rising sun.

The old basilica is based off the Roman Hall of Justice Basilica. The chief judge’s throne turned into the bishop’s throne and assistant judges’ benches are where the worshippers now sat. The basilica also has 2 side aisles on each side of the nave, or the main aisle, which is different from the basic basilica plan and helps to support the weight of the roof. Also different is the transept that was added to the front of the basilica. This was added to help fit in all the people who came to worship and to create a Latin cross shape for the church. A narthex was also built to provide a place for those who had not yet been baptized. The basilica was finished rather quickly in 349 Common Era. It was built using remnants and bits and pieces of other buildings.

Over the years, old St. Peter’s began to decay. There was no one around for worship or to light candles for worship and there were cattle grazing off weeds in the atrium and actually entering the church. It was also discovered that the only thing holding the church up was the roof beams. The gold doors that once adorned the front of the church were stolen as war trophies by the German troops of Barbarossa.

Pope Nicholas V was the first to suggest rebuilding the basilica. Nicholas did not see all of his plans finished. He also had plans to restore Vatican City, which only a part of the city was rebuilt during his time. Pope Julius II took over the construction, and went looking for a new design for the church that would represent the great papacy.

Julius took on the construction of the basilica with demolition that took place bit by bit so that people could still visit. The start of demolition of the largest part of the old church took place on April 18, 1506. Bramante was whom Julius picked to design and rebuild the church. Bramante was inspired by the Pantheon and had designed the new church to have a Greek cross plan, so that when looking down at the church from above, it would resemble a Greek cross. The new basilica would be 5.78 acres and would be able to sit 60,000 people.

Works on the church then stopped for 20 years and when they started back up again there was a new pope and Bramante had also passed away. There was then a new competition between artists and their designs for the continuation of the reconstruction of the church. There were arguments between whether to continue the Greek cross design or to go with a Latin cross design, where one of the wings would be longer than the rest. Michelangelo finally took over the design as he really appreciated Bramante’s beautiful design plans. Michelangelo left his mark on the plans with the design of the dome at the top of the church, which today is one of the basilica’s most prominent features.

Michelangelo was not able to see the finish of his dome. In 1593, Giacomo Della Porta and Domenico Fontan took over construction. With each pope, Bramante’s initial design changed a little and there were many changes made due to the short amount of time each pope held the papacy. Pope Paul V decided to restore the basilica to its original Latin cross plan and eventually architect Carlo Maderno came and added 3 chapels to each side of the building and conducted the naves up to the current façade, which construction for was terminated for 400 years and the plans restored in 2000. The new basilica was finally consecrated in November 1626. In April of 2006, the Vatican celebrated 500 years of the construction of the new St. Peter’s Basilica.

Since St. Peter’s was first constructed, it has been accumulating pieces of now famous artwork under its large ceiling. It is home for many alters and monuments of well known saints and moments in Catholicism, some of these saints even buried in the grottoes and necropolis located below the basilica. Probably the most famous piece of work would be Michelangelo’s Pieta. The piece was commissioned by French cardinal Jean Bilheres de Lagraulas and was first located in the Old St. Peter’s and was later reinstalled in the new basilica. The sculpture is of the Virgin Mary holding the body of the now dead Jesus on her lap. It is said that this sculpture is Michelangelo’s most “finished” piece of work. This may be a very accurate statement as it is the only piece that Michelangelo has ever signed, as he went back to carve his name into his Pieta after visitors started saying it was another artist’s work.

Another piece that was originally in the old basilica would be Giotto’s Navicella, which is now restored over the main portico when you first enter the basilica. The mosaic, which is much smaller than what it originally used to be due to construction between the two basilicas, shows St. Peter walking on water during a storm. It is to represent the church and no matter how much the church has to deal with storms and oppositions, it will never fall, as it has a sturdy foundation. To the right of the main portico, is the Holy Door. Made by Vico Consorti, it is made of bronze, though originally wood, and on its door shows the sins that man has made through time. Every 25 years it is opened by the pope, during Jubilee. It is said that when a pilgrim to the church walks through the doors, all of there debts will be pardoned.

The giant papal altar, made by Bernini, rests directly over St. Peter’s resting place. His first work for the church, it took 9 years to complete and is made of Greek marble and bronze borrowed from the Pantheon. It also sits directly below Michelangelo’s dome and is the exact size to fit perfectly inside of the sky light in the center of the dome. Michelangelo’s dome is another great installment of the St. Peter’s. It was his gift to the church; he accepted no money for the design or construction of it, although he was not able to see it finished. It adds light to the large basilica and the windows that surround the lower portion of the dome give the dome a floating look.

The artwork, alters, monuments and grottos that St. Peter’s and the Vatican offer to view is how some people understand Catholicism; it is a better way for them to interpret what they believe in and what they stand for as a catholic. As art historian Elizabeth Lev says:

“You see how the work of Bernini reveals the interaction of the Holy Spirit throughout the church. When Bernini is working in St. Peter’s he’s trying to make us understand the presence of the Holy Spirit. When Michelangelo’s in the church, he’s trying to give us more of the physical presence of God. So the way that art and history and this sacredness of place all work together, provides just a draw to St. Peter’s.”

It is argued that with so many people entering St. Peter’s each day and the size of daily mass growing, that St. Peter’s will need to determine what exactly it’s function is. Many people entering the basilica are there to see and be amazed by the art work, to gaze at the towering building, and to visit the grotto located below the building. But how many people are actually there to honor St. Peter and what exactly his basilica stands for; what it was built for? It needs to be remembered that these pieces of art where made for those who pilgrimage to honor St. Peter, to help better understand his story and how he made it possible for you to understand Jesus’ story. It will be interesting to see how the Vatican deals with the growing number of people who come to St. Peter’s, whether they will need to expand the already large space provided for visitors. My only piece of advice to the future visitors is to know why St. Peter’s Basilica is there for you and know that the basilica and all that it holds inside were made to help you better understand the presence of the Holy Spirit.


Bibliography

Baumgarten, Paul Maria. “Basilica of St. Peters.” The Catholic Encyclopedia, Volume XIII. Published 1912. New York: Robert Appleton Company. Nihil Obstat, February 1, 1912. Remy Lafort, D.D., Censor. Imprimatur. +John Cardinal Farley, Archbishop of New York

Calvesi, Maurizio. “Treasures of the Vatican: St. Peter’s Basilica, the Vatican Museums and Galleries, the Treasure of St. Peters, the Vatican Grottoes and Necropolis, the Vatican Palaces.” World Pub. Co. Cleveland. 1962.

Hersey, George L. “High Renaissance and Art in St. Peter’s and the Vatican: an Interpretive Guide.” Chicago: University of Chicago Press. 1993.

“Interview with Elizabeth Lev.” http://www.stpetersbasilica.org/People/LizLev.htm

McNally, Augustin Francis. “St. Peter’s on the Vatican; The First Complete Account in Our English Tongue of its Origins and Reconstruction.” New York, Strand Press. 1939.

St. Peter’s Basilica.org. http://www.stpetersbasilica.org. October 20, 2006.

Slyomovics, Susan. “Cross-Cultural Dress and Tourist Performance in Egypt. Performing Arts Journal, Vol. 11, No. 3, The Interculturalism Issue. (1989), pp.139-148.

“The Vatican Collections: The Papacy and Art.” The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York, and Harry N. Abrams, Inc., Publishers, New York. 1982.

square

yes, that quote was mine. don't know where it came from :)

also...do you have a blog up and running right now? you should let me know.

andi

i forgot how entertaining mean girls was. it's also a great tool for procrastination.

after this measly 4 page paper, the only paper i have left to type for my college career (as far as i can see) would be my thesis.

woohoo!

it was weird as i walked through the courtyard and into the next building that had a tunnel, making my way to work after picking up a salad at the union and passing by 18 year olds running after each other in the tunnels...i'm ready to be out. i'm ready for the real world and a grown up job.

it's kind of scary when you realize that you've grown up. but not as scary when you still realize how much growing up you have left to do.

i love how advertising talks to you. as of right now, i want a cherry colored chocolate phone from verizon. and i will sing christina aguilera's candy man song every time i see it. and if i owned one, i would probably put that song as my ring tone.

christmas is coming...$99. we could make it a contest to see who loves me the most?

saturday evening i went out to buy a new shirt (which it seems that this is what my life has amounted to: homework, work, and buying new shirts) with a friend. then i went home and wrestled with my hair for about an hour. it was curled, sprayed and i thought finally somewhat decent. it was nice that others noticed. at keg, the lady bouncer commented on my hair as well as the next 5 random people that i ran into. it was nice to know that an hour spent on looking good was actually noticed.

then i proceeded on with my usual saturday night: finding carly and her volleyball friends, dancing, having only 1 drink if that as i usually end up driving, and then when carly and her friends are ready to go home, i offer to drive them so that they don't have to go and find random people to drive them. one of her friends says that its my turn to get drunk next time we go out, which is something i haven't done in a long time. but when you have to worry about getting to the bars and getting home and who you have to entrust to do that duty...i would rather not drink and drive myself.

a couple of years ago i was sitting bored at my computer at work. for some reason i started looking at wedding dresses (for no particular reason at all) and stumbled upon a site call theknot.com. in order to look at wedding dresses, however, you had to sign up. which included setting a wedding date.

i just got an email today saying 10 months to go! it advised me that i should be shopping for my gown, auditioning djs and bands and booking my officient.

i suppose i better get on that.

i'm really tired right now and i just want to sleep but i have a ton of homework to do.

plus, i really want lots of sweets right now. like frosting. and chocolate chip cookies. and ice cream.

but i can't. but i can thursday night. i'll try and hold off until then.

for now....back to homework and 3d. eh.

my eye is twitching, i'm dead exasted. i had to do a mad dash across campus today that should have worked off all the food i ate in the past 24 hours...it was a long haul. i think i'm going to go take a nap and then have at-er again. to do tonight:

-3hd!
-art history paper
-read art history
-inventors of the future paper work
-battle of the bands preparations
-yoga make-up at 4:30

i have a lot of 3d to do this week. blah.

what????

Australia's Thorpe retires from competitive swimming

By MERAIAH FOLEY, Associated Press Writer
November 20, 2006

SYDNEY, Australia (AP) -- Five-time Olympic champion Ian Thorpe retired from competitive swimming Tuesday at the age of 24, saying breaking records "wasn't as inspiring as it should have been."

Thorpe, who held a news conference at a Sydney hotel, said he decided at "2:53 on Sunday afternoon" not to swim at next year's world championships in Melbourne and to end his pro swimming career.

"It's been a tough decision to make," he said. "I had to pick a time, that was the time. None of my goals included breaking any more world records. I knew how to do it, but it wasn't as inspiring as it should have been."

Speculation swirled for months about whether Thorpe planned to pull out of the world championships or quit the sport entirely. Local media reports predicted Thorpe would pull out of the national trials in Brisbane next month, citing the effects of a recent bout with glandular fever.

Plagued by illness, injury and a lack of motivation, Thorpe hasn't competed in a major international event since the Athens Olympics.

Thorpe burst onto the swimming scene as a teenager and swam to 13 world records between 1999-2002, becoming an international star after dominating at the Sydney Olympics.

"I was catapulted into the international limelight as a kid," he said.

He had to train in California earlier this year to escape the heavy media scrutiny in Australia.

"I've reached all the dizzying heights of this sport," he said. "I've also had a tremendous amount of success. I've also had setbacks -- the last round of them sent me to LA where I could focus on what I was doing with fewer distractions than I have here."

Thorpe said his training has gone well in the United States, but he still decided it was time to call it a career.

"It's a very dark question for me. Swimming has been a security blanket," he said. But, "I haven't balanced out my life. I realized I had to prioritize other things and had to let swimming take a back seat -- I'm looking at the next phase."

Thorpe and American Michael Phelps are acknowledged as the stars of the sport.

"Ian was an inspiration and a terrific champion," Phelps said in a statement. "He elevated the worldwide interest in swimming and was a great ambassador to our sport. I wish him the best of luck in the future."

The Australian swimmer, nicknamed "Thorpedo," won the 200- and 400-meter freestyle events at the Athens Olympics.

He planned a yearlong break after Athens, claiming "mental fatigue" and hoping to stay fresh for major competitions down the road.

He later decided not to compete at last year's world championships in Montreal, then dropped out of the Commonwealth Games in March.

Thorpe, who won five Olympic gold medals and 11 world titles, did not entirely rule out a comeback.

"I never rule anything out, but it's not going to happen," he said as more than 100 photographers and reporters packed a hotel conference room for the announcement.

U.S. Olympic Committee spokesman Darryl Seibel called Thorpe a great Olympic champion.

"Whenever Michael Phelps and Ian Thorpe were on the pool deck together, there was instant electricity," Seibel said in a statement. "It had the feel of a championship prize fight or game seven in a World Series. You couldn't wait for the race to start, and once it did, you didn't want it to end. It was captivating ... two great competitors who brought out the best in each other and represented the highest values of international competition."

http://sports.yahoo.com/top/news?slug=ap-thorpequits&prov=ap&type=lgns

my sister, the stud that she is, dropped 2 seconds in her 100 fly to take 7th at state the other weekend...and she's a 8th grader. must have been that pixie dust that i made her that said "alli, you can fly!" gf central also took 3rd...the highest they've ever taken at state.

i pulled out my photography skills. here's some of my favorite shots that i took from the 2 day event:














some of the girls getting ready for warm-ups













central's freestyle relay team












red river getting ready for parade of athletes












practicing starts












michelle-belle waiting her turn for starts












michelle-belle during her 100 back prelim













the team with their trophy













hannah before her one of her races...she won both.



















rachaelann getting ready for a back dive.













cheers!













no matter what alli says, i think this one is cute (she focuses on her butt...)













alli doing breaststroke













cheers!













kathryn cheering



















alli before her 100 fly prelim. she looks tough.













warm-ups.













one of the girls doing breaststroke.













red river cheers!













michelle-belle doing backstroke.













alli doing her pretty butterfly.














apparently this picture hates me. the background is originally all black...and it looks really professional...but right now, it hates me...

those are just a few of my favorites...i took 900 pictures this weekend. wow.

the other night, i got to be a friend. granted i had homework assignments flashing through the back of my head, but this once, i got to sit down and listen and help instead of being plugged into a computer, typing up crap and researching and designing. i felt human again.

i missed that.

also, the other night, i got to cuddle. i had been missing that, too.

it's amazing how little emotions and gestures can bring so much meaning into life.

1 month till the semesters over!

here's a little truth about me. i am extremely independant. i do not take others advice unless i go looking for it. in fact i despise those who think they can give me advise. unless i ask you specifically, don't tell me what to do, just listen.

i know people are just trying to do the right thing, but sometimes, especially for me, the right thing is just to listen. don't even give me advise. i more than likely won't take it anyway. i'm just that stubborn.

but sometimes, you can catch me without my guard up. i'll be willing to curl up and let someone else actually take care of everything for the moment. after awhile i'll realize what i've done and my guard will go back up. and truthfully, i prefer it that way.

2.2? heck yes.

apparently i can still loose weight after eating a pumpkin pie blizzard at dairy queen the day before weigh in. how i did it? i will never know. total = 9.4

end of the semester (yes end...it's coming to an end...there are only so many weekends left to do homework) homework:

-thesis, thesis, thesis!
-3dh project...completely procrastinating
-art history paper
-world music paper
-journey that matters book

i can name more...well, there's tests too...ick.

just trying to stay ahead of the game! but i would ten times rather be:

-working on grad plans
-drinking and dancing with friends
-watching tv
-working on things (such as habitat and design guild things) that mean a little more to me right now
-sleeping
-finding a job
-making a much cooler resume
-making my resume website

i hate priorities.

bad week

well, it technically isn't a bad week. it may be in terms of weight loss for the week (as i sit and stare at the over flowing bucket of candy someone had to bring into the office), but i guess there are always other weeks. ktc and i need to hide that damn bucket i think...after sneaking a couple kit kat bars out before hand.

it also isn't a bright shining week as elections are coming. i hate campaigning. i feel like everyone is fighting and well...i'm not a fighter. that and i really can't stand the in-your-face-you-will-die-if-you-don't-vote-this-way campaigners. i'm really not a democrat...or a republican for that matter. but i do know which way i want to swing the polls. but do not hate me for wanting to vote other than what you want (which i feel i get most from the liberals). just chill out, everything will be fine.

and that's my two bits on elections.

also...its snowing out, i had THE hardest of times finding a parking spot. but its halloween. i have all my decorations up...and i've started scavengering for fall decorations. i'm a regular martha stewart i guess.

tonight: birthday, no supper (because of the all the candy i will consume), and some homework

later this week: commentary for doing anything! (at least that's what i hear...), and atc bowling night on thursday...and maybe karaoke? we'll see.

the hectic life of andi

3 nights in a row up until 3 am doing homework. i crashed on wednesday sleeping from 10:15 until 4...I had classes at 11 and at 1...oops.

i have a lot to get done in the next couple of weeks:

checked off thesis proposal. it's getting proofed hopefully as we speak.

still need to do:

art history power point presentation
world music paper rough draft
3d designs...and thesis designs
start thesis?
finish the rmrw site
finish the journey that matters edits (yes, my first published book!)

there's more in there. i'm just trying to stay ahead of the game but it seems like every time i do get ahead, those damn lib ed classes pile on the bull shit busy work homework that takes my time away from the work that does matter. damn undergraduate program.

that and i woke up this morning with a sore throat. sucks.

but...lost 2.8 pounds this week! tessa and i are going to celebrate with pineapple pizza and ugly betty and grey's anatomy.

this weekend i'm going to a surprise bday party. it's a little out of my way but so worth it. it will be fun.

also to note...my sister thinks she is a skank and proud of it. i on the other hand am not. where did she get these ideas? (ps...she's 14) or maybe it's just that i did nothing fun when i was 14. i had no friends. i had swimming...swimming was my friend...

well...have a fabulous weekend. i'll try to keep you all better entertained.

thesis schmesis

ever had to write a thesis or project proposal? i would rather be swimming 500s for the rest of my life.

it sucks major.

mmmm bep

i had so much fun at the black eyed peas concert. i danced my butt off. my brother zerek and i felt so bad that our sister alli couldn't be there. while we were standing in the doorway to get searched before entering, we were going over what she would be doing, wearing and such.

"she would be all like jumping up and down and hyper and stuff."

"she would have had me do her hair like mine. and she would have wanted to wear a slutty top. i would have had to bring one home for her."

"you think mom would let her?"

"i have this top that would look really cute on her..."

we tried to get her a shirt but the one that we were going to get her was all sold out when we went back to get it. other than that, they really didn't have anything that i think she would have liked. so we didn't get her anything. we felt bad though. we called her when fergie sang london bridge and when they sang the song pump it.

and did i mention that i almost got to party with them? well, i could have. i went out with some guy friends and we went to check out the bar that they were at. the line to get in was about 20-30 minutes and no one wanted to wait that long. so we went to the bar across the street. i actually met up with a few high school friends, which was fun. and i danced some more...but it was the more reggae songs, whch wasn't as fun, but i still had fun dancing...and then london bridge came on...good times. i wore heals out for this. i never wear heals. my feet killed. i walked back to my car bare foot, it felt sooo good.

and that was my night...i wish i could go to a bep concert every night and just dance. it was so much fun.

ITS THURSDAY

no, i'm not dead. just busy. i haven't been ignoring you, just haven't felt the need to write. so here's what's up:

ITS THURSDAY.

i consider thursdays the best day of the week. let me count the ways:

1. grey's anatomy (even though i have to tape it)
2. ww weigh in. which means its:
3. binge night! i can eat whatever i want all night long for one night only!
4. its the one night i will allow myself to drink a little.
5. karoake.
6. design guild meetings.
7. maybe a stop at slims...its like coming home!
8. no homework. i get it done earlier in the week so i don't have to do it on thursdays.
9. lots of friends, lots of drunkeness...craziness.
10. sleepovers. i love them.

i'm sure i could ramble off more, but i'll stop there.

and this thursday, its my good friend stephanie's 22. even more reason to celebrate.

i'm in east side this weekend for a little concerto by the black eyed peas. you may have heard of them. then some quality time with the fam before coming back to homeworkville. and work. gross.

other than that...life is good. how's yours?

last first day of school

hopefully. that's the plan anyways. it was pretty boring too. woke up (tried to wake up and do the early morning work out thing but as always it never works), went to first class at 9, had an hour off, another class at 10, an hour off and then another class at 1. then i worked out, went to work for a few hours and then a habitat meeting. which i am no longer president of (so i could help train in the new president while i was still in college). it's going well.

and today is my little sister alli's bday. she is turning the fabulous age of 14. and if all goes well, she will get her long lost wish of getting a cell phone. i think it's the only thing she wants more than anything else in life.

so yeah...that was my day...

and saturday (on a side note) happened to be a lucky day for me. but not too lucky. off of 4 lotto tickets i won 10 dollars. and then i came home to find a scholarship check in the amount of 500 written out to me. i proceeded to buy a powerball ticket thinking that there was no way i could go wrong. but of course i didn't win. how freakishly weird would it had been if i did win?

what would you spend your millions on?

my top 3:

1. school
2. credit card debt
3. i would buy my self a house or a car or somthing...

and then some would go to certain organizations and the rest into some sort of bank investment where it can build over the years. and then i would retire early.

the end.

seriously though...tell me your top three. where would your millions go?

i have never found myself missing him more. i thought it was supposed to get better over time...and it hasn't. and i'm not possitive...but he may have taken a job in another city. i'll have to check on that. and if he has, i'll be really sad.

and for now...i want nothing to do with boys. none of them seem to want what i want...and that's just not cool.

i haven't had this much fun in weeks...

so how come i want to call him?

ummmm...spoiled.

i don't remember the last time i have ever been bought this many clothes.

my mom, sister and i did damage in fargo today and pretty sure the retail stores will be sending thank you letters for the amount we spent. it was pretty much better than christmas...and nothing is better than christmas.

i found some hot deals at old navy where i got a long sleeve tee, pj shorts (that say good morning sunshine), 2 skirts and a halter top all for 30 dollars. at aeo i scored some yoga pants and another skirt for 20. i also found the perfect bra today and got 2 of them (sorry if you didn't want to read that...but that's how much i love it), got a new pair of brown shoes, a pair of brown pants, black pants, twill pants and plaid pants, 2 button up blouses, a sweater and a tank...all bought by my mom. i don't know where she found the money but i can definetly say i'm grateful.

but i'm shopped out. too bed and tomorrow i'm back in btown to work!

lyrics on my mind

and if you love me, then tell me
all of the time
and can i love you, i want to
i want to try

You got soul, you got class.
You got style, with your badass - oh yeah!

not exactly high class songs...but they are on repeat in my head. they're just a little catchy. i want to dance every time i hear that christina song.

Hobson Memorial Union sponsored a team in the first-ever Lake Bemidji Dragon Boat Festival August 5th. Members of the "Beaver Tails" were: Brina Ellison, Jessie Taray, Cody Nelson, Lisa Farwell, Jeremy Anway, Andrew Cashin, Melissa Arneson, Glen Schmidt, Barb Butler, Sam Malloy, Petra Remeta, Mary Tosch, John Larson, Jose Hernandez, Brian Hudson, Rosin Shakya, Nima Lama, Bikram Ale, Gabe Wakanabo, Christina Kippenhan, T.Todd Masman, Tim Stoltenburg, Andrea Kroll, Seth Wymore, and Cory Haack The BSU team palced 18th out of 36 teams with a two-race, average time of 5:04.57, and a great time was had by all. --BSU TODAY

yup...i paddled a boat. it was so much fun. i'm telling you...you should be in a dragon boat race. besides the hard, grueling work...you'll have a great time.

i think i miss that team and working out phase of my life. it's gonna hit harder that ever with girls high school swimming season starting. but i plan to hit the pool hard core this fall...mmmm...chlorine!

sisterly love

i love hearing the words of my little innocent sister. she makes everything seem so...much smaller :) here's our convo as we were falling asleep last night.

alli: we took the boat down the mississippi on to lake irvine and stuff. it was cool.
andi: lake irvine? he lives on that lake.
alli: o really? that must be cool to live on a lake.
andi: yeah, it's nice...did i tell you i'm not with him any more?
alli: you aren't?
andi: nope. cheated on me again. i forgive once but not twice. people make mistakes but shouldn't make them twice.
alli: o.
andi: we might see him at the country club tomorrow.
alli: really...but i don't want to see him.
andi: eh, i wouldn't worry about it. it's not like we would acknowledge each other.
alli: can i beat him up for you?
andi: not at the country club. i can just see it now...alli all of a sudden tearing through the country club after him in an attempt to beat him up. he'd be like...what the hell? actually, if he got a good look at you he could probably tell who you were (we look remarkably alike for the 8 year difference).
alli: no, i don't think so. he seems to stupid for that.

haha...made me laugh :)

dragon boat queen

i've signed up to race in the big dragon boat festival this weekend. there's opening ceremonies and a parade tomorrow night and then i need to be at the "beaver dam" at 9:15 saturday morning to gear up to race. i really think we have a good chance of winning. unfortunatly, i have to work at 4 saturday so if we go into finals...i can't help win. i kind of like the rowing thing. in fact when i started college, if bsu had a rowing team, i so would have tried out for it. because rowing teams sound like so much fun. fact: i have never spent so much time on lake bemidji in one week. i like that there is actually things i can do out on the lake right now that are either free or cheap. fits my price range!

the ex is gone this week, which i think helps. i don't want to call him as often, or basically, i don't want any contact with him at all for awhile...just to see what it's like without him. i'm still confused with everthing thing as i know i can't go back to him...but what if, just for the hell of it...i did? what would happen? what would people think, say or do? right now they all tell me how to live my life...i'm just having a hard time trying to figure out if i'm desperate or if i do just want to be with him...because i can and i want to. it's confusing. i read this on another blog: "i'm fine with being me, but it's hard to be me without thinking about us." this person may have written this with a lot more meaning behind it...but really, i just lost a part of me.

so because of the whole thing in the above paragraph and because i have been confined to my glasses to at least the next 3 months...i have a morning spa appointment tomorrow. i'm getting a body wave put in my hair (ALLI DON'T TELL MOM) and then i'm going to get it cut and i'm going to see if they'll wax the eye brows too. apparently it's going to be a 3 to 4 hour procedure...and then i'm going to work at the btcc. woop woop.

ps....it's payday tomorrow. i think it will be a fantastic day :)

i don't mean to copy other people...

Which leads me to question the concept of right and wrong. This decision is certainly right for her, but not for the university. This sort of situation happens all the time in our everyday life. We constantly choose to either take a selfish course, or one that will make others happy. I guess you need both in your life to live a fulfilling life, but the balance is important. So how do you find this illusive balance? The world may never know.

I hate disappointing people, and that is what I have to do today. One way or the other. I wish I could clone myself (sometimes) and make everyone happy ... I guess something will work out.

I guess it always does.

katherine

...but it just seemed to express exactly what i was feeling.

blind (again)

i have to wear my glasses for the next 3 months. i hate this. good news: i get to pick out new glasses to be perscription sunglasses. that's about as good of news as it gets.

i'm still trying to figure out my love life. i spent time with him last night because i couldn't sleep so i stopped by his place and found him awake still. i'm not sure what i want to do with all this information i had. i have to figure out what i believe in i think...and then go from there. let's just remember that we aren't all innocent...and i think we still care a lot about each other.

I want to know why some people spend so much time analyzing friendships.
I'm confident in my ability to choose good friends, and choose acquaintances. I think I'm smart enough to figure out real friends from fake ones - long-lasting from short-term. It has to be exhausting to spend so much time wondering who cares about you. Maybe it's a confidence thing. I believe in myself. I'd be friends with me. Maybe if you wouldn't be friends with you, then you spend a lot of time wondering why anyone else would want to be.

-l.jo.

i want to know why some people spend so much time analyzing relationships. I'm confident in my ability to chose guys (though i haven't chosen one before...but i am CONFIDENT). and I'm smart enough to know what i am doing. i believe in myself. so lay off. so what if you aren't happy with the guy that i'm with. i don't want to hear it in 1000 different ways, shapes and forms. you're not spending time with us, so really, what do you know?

if i decide to go back with him, it will be a personal decision. some of my decision will be weighed on what advise i was given, what i had been told. but these matters are questions of the heart, mine, not yours. i will decide and what i decide, well, you'll have to be happy with it either way.

but one thing i have learned about myself...i don't like unwanted advise. i do things my own way. and no one knows better how to run my life than me.

so i'm posting. where's my dvd??

i was just going to stop it there, but figured since i'm on, might as well leave something.

i killed my eye again...and this time the blurriness isn't going away as fast, which means i might have to go to a specialist to see if there is an underlying problem...and it may mean glasses for a really long time. i hate my life.

went to the lake with my beloved squeak this weekend. it's good to have her back in the states. all we did all weekend was eat, watch movies, swim and sleep. it was so relaxing. i think our butt's are imprinted in the chairs.

i broke it off with the supposed boyfriend. but things are so confusing. becasue the reason that i broke it off with him might not actually be true. and it's also really confusing because we weren't really dating this time around. and i don't know what to do. i think we need to talk some more and only time will tell. i guess it's getting him to talk though and if he won't return the calls to talk...why waste my time on that? but i do miss him...we have such a good time together.

and that's all that's really in my life. lots of working and my room is always a mess. and it's hot. kind of wish the guy would call me back so that i could sleep at his house where it is cool.

it can only get better from here...

slacker

i know. but hey, it's summer. i wish that i could just open up word, type up my post and then hit a button that says post on blogspot. for some reason that seems faster and easier than logging in to blogger. i don't know.

but posting has become scarce due to the fact that i can no longer do it at one of my jobs and i hate my computer at home and only use it for correspondance during the night time hours. that and for storing all sorts of design projects, pictures and music. that's it. otherwise, it's loud and noisy (sometimes) and slow. and my desk is filled with crap and papers that i haven't quite figured out what to do with.

in other news, my birthday was last week and i turned the old age of 22. that's right. double deuce. and i still say i'm 21 when people ask. shoot. i'll get used to it. it was a good birthday except that i did get yelled at by a good friend. that did not please me, but we're working on it.

jenny left for florida yesterday. i'm not a crier, but i almost did shed some tears. she's my twin sister pretty much. i'll see her at xmas though.

my eye was better but then i wore black eyeliner (which i think is the source of my problems) and both my eyes are now red. i look like i was doing crack at dmb this last weekend...

which the concert (dave matthews band) was really good (and no i did not join in on the crack and pot fun that others, appeared, to be having. gross). i had such an amazing time. i'm really glad that zerek came with me because it allowed me to be a little comfortable around everyone. i think if he hadn't come with i would have retracted into my little shell. but zerek and i got to spend some quality time together and i got to go camping...and now that i'm back, i think i've had my camping fix for awhile. i hate porter potties and communal showers. but other than that, lots of fun, lots of stories. i'll post pictures later.

but now back to the work week! and pirates of the caribbean tonight plus thursday night vball and burgers at slims!